A few weeks ago my wife came out to me as polyamorous. A little history were both late 27 and have been together for 11 years. I had never thought of or really heard of polyamorous and as she explained and told me I listened, didnt judge and processed. It cause me to shut down and threw me into a depression because I couldnt really comprehend and felt as if I was going to be replaced and forgotten. Fast forward to now 5 weeks later I have been working on myself, like alot, my personality is always hid and bury emotions and shared very little with others I only let people see what I want them to and keep my feelings and desires to myself. but now I am doing alot of reading, I am getting therapy, I am opening up to friends, learning to set healthy boundaries with toxic family, and rekindling relationships with family that I cut out because I refused to face hard emotions I feel when talki kn g to them due to past traumu. I'm fighting for answers on what makes me tick, giving more attention to my wife and having hard conversations about what this means for us, I even came out as bi to her which I never planned to do or acknowledge. I am all in but still have alot of hurdles to jump including a need to control and strong jealousy There are things I cant understand and still struggle with so I wanted to turn to this wonderful community for help How did you find out or decide that you were polyamorous? In the past both my wife and I have cheated, we worked through it. We both feel our cheating was a cry for attention but now I'm not sure that's what it was I struggle to determine if polyamorous is for me or monogamy is just because i have only ever known monogamy Also my wife and I have talked about the structure of poly were comfortable pursuing (if I am open to it) we are interested in a triad (I think that's the right term) but that feels like planning for love in a way and almost deciding who your going to love instead of allowing yourself to love, do couples decide how to structure their polyamory or does it need to happen naturally and slowly?