A couple of years ago I had this experience that I still don’t know what to make of. I am fairly new to polyamory, so I don’t know if my reaction to what happened is tainted by a monogamous mindset, or if it really was the betrayal it felt like.

I will give you the abridged version here and see the first comment for all the details:

I met someone, fell in love, started staying at his house three days a week. It was wonderful. His other partner (of four years) stayed with him the other three days. A few months in, she had a housing crisis and moved in with him full time. She was already acting insecure about me, and this exacerbated things. There wasn’t privacy for me to stay there anymore, so we were reduced to two days a week at my house, where I have a roommate. This was very hard for me.

At about six months I asked for a break - a month of no contact - to figure out what to do. I really loved him and felt that he loved me and was trying very hard to make it work, but it just wasn’t! Tbh, I hoped that taking some time apart would scare him into taking stronger action to protect our relationship. Before that month was even over, however, my partner called me to tell me that another woman, who had only been a casual play partner until then, was also in a housing crisis and he was going to move her in too.

What were the odds of that?? I don’t believe he was lying, but I do believe he was throwing obstacles into our path for some reason - all the while professing that he loved me deeply and he just had no choice!

Or am I wrong and is this just a thing that happens sometimes in polyamory? Should I have stuck it out? I felt completely betrayed, but maybe the extra partner would have actually made things easier with the first meta. I don’t know!

Thoughtful objective opinions please!