Lots of biiiiig air quotes here because I acknowledge I'm not sure how to phrase this properly, but I'm looking for advice on how to navigate the confusing feelings I'm facing due to the partner I feel closest to being more actively engaged in seeking other partners than I am, while also de-escalating our own dynamic.

He (M, m30) is polyam and I (K, f30) consider myself more ENM, and we've been dating less than a year. We both have other partners - I had other partners that I've been with ranging from years to months before I met him, but I've grown to feel closest to him. I note the difference between him being polyam and me not being so because it makes sense to me that he'd be more active in seeking partners than I would be. Besides being able to handle multiple romantic relationships more easily than me, he prioritizes variety of partners over stability with any one partner. We're just different in this way,, and it hasn't been a problem for me. I've really enjoyed connecting with him over our shared interest in growth through non-monogamy and kink.

However, recently he's deescalated our relationship in bits and pieces (spending less time together, not going out on dates anymore, not spending the night, texting less, etc). That was tough for me but I've been working through it and adapting as I can through therapy and personal reassurance work like focusing on building up my community and re-prioritizing my own interests and hobbies. And I won't lie that it helped that as he was de-escalating with me, he did the same with his other partners so it felt more equal. But I've noticed that he's been spending more time with his other partners and also started engaging with new partners. I also learned that he uses the same pet name for all of us which, though not necessarily hurtful, did kind of contribute to my growing curiosity about how I uniquely factor into his life - hence the title question of feeling "special". Does that make sense?

I know logically that our dynamic is "special" because just by virtue of us all being different people the dynamic is going to be different. And it's not that I'm taking him engaging more frequently with others and taking on new partners as a personal jab or anything, but more it's a new kind of envy I haven't experienced before even though I've been dating ENM for the last few years, and I'd love some advice on how to navigate it.

I want him to continue exploring himself and his developing wants and needs in these spaces, and until recently it was very easy for me to feel compersion towards him as he did so, but with recent developments that's become more difficult.

Has anyone else been in a situation like this? And if so, how did you address and work through your issues (because I do recognize this is something I need to work on).