I, Jane(43F) and my partner of four months, Tom (43M) have not dated anyone else since meeting. I have been poly for 6 years now, he is new to it but has friends who are poly and non-monogamous so it isn't a new concept to him. I am married to Alan(44M) and it's all going well from that perspective, we hang out at my house a good amount and my kids and Alan like Tom. So far so great.

We have had many conversations about polyamory and what that would look like for us. Tom has been chatting with a few people and went on a lovely coffee date last week but he is having a wobble about it all. We are both recently out of relationships that affected us deeply and we are doing a lot of work individually on ourselves. After more talking and being vulnerable we have both decided to put dating other people on pause, this was very much an "us" decision as opposed to someone asking for it. This doesn't affect my relationship with Alan.

I am happy with this decision, and I am feeling a gentle nervousness as I didn't date in my last 2 year relationship. I don't want to go back to being essentially monogamous with two partners. I really don't think Tom wants that either and our relationship is truly so good, we communicate so well and really hear each other.

I'm wondering if anyone has experience of a pause at the beginning of a relationship, before opening back up together, has worked for them? Would love to hear your stories.

Tom is reading the books and asking the hypothetical questions, so there is ground work being done between us. So much talking! But I am nervous about the opening up after.

Thanks!