Hi! I’m struggling a little bit with this right now in a current relationship. I noticed it really helps me when I hear from women what they’re thinking during certain relational challenges—and this is one of them!

My girlfriend started seeing somebody new & is acting obsessed about that new partner… She’s meeting up with them all the time and clearly seems to have caught feelings for this guy.

Based on the way she’s talking about him, it’s obvious he’s being aloof and not-serious about their interactions… And she seems clearly hurt by this. Seeing her affected by this guy leading her on is starting to hurt me in various ways… And all she wants to do is talk about it with me.

Part of me wants to stay up all night and talk about it with her with detachment & love… But another part of me wishes she felt that way about me right now. I know she cares about me but it hurts to see her intense passion for somebody else in the present moment while not receiving it from her.

If I were to drop my jealousy shield and just listen to her feelings about this guy she is clearly very attracted to… IN YOUR EXPERIENCE — Could this bring us closer?

In other words… If I were to act radically non-jealous and just listen to what she has to say, even if it hurts me (like how they perform together sexually etc) … Could this bring us closer?

Have you—as a woman—experienced this in your poly / ENM relationships & thought “Yeah, my main guy is super secure and awesome and actually he’s the one I want.”

Or is it more of a sign of a pushover that will be continually taken advantage of? I’m just confused where this is going to lead.

Otherwise, she’s a very fun & honest partner. We have amazing sexual chemistry.

Well, that’s the final point — except when she’s hooking up with the new guy. Then it feels like she’s properly “sexed out” and I’m the one with the pent up desiring-her energy… and it makes me feel sad that we can’t be closer in those moments.

Any advice?