How does it work?

I thought I found an amazing match 2 months ago where the other person was poly and asexual just like me but they were one of those “I want poly but my partners have to be mono only for me” types of people and a bit insane but now it’s really bugging me.

I’ve gone in circles about what I am: “An asexual that hates sex in general” to “Hypersexual mind: Asexual body” to just “I hate when my body is involved in sex”

I honestly want to be poly in order to be just a sole romantic partner because I just…I’m always complicated when it comes to sex. And I can’t get into a relationship where my partner “Hopes I come around eventually”, it’s so much pressure and…

I feel like I’m failing to provide what people actually look for in polyamory not to even mention monogamy because I’m never satisfied romantically in monogamous relationships. They always think I’m too much, too energetic, too over romantic, too me. So I try to do polyamory, I grow boundaries, research, build myself up to be a good partner and hinge- Just to be thrown a lot of ‘Hey a threesome could really spice up the bedroom” and “Sexual needs over romantic need fulfillment”-

It’s like applying for a job where you have the wrong skill set for. They look at your resume, look back at you, and give you the ‘why the hell are you here’ look.

I just feel like I’m doing something wrong. I don’t want to stretch or test out what I’m sexually capable of because the last time I tried to allow that I got…in a bad situation that traumatized me. I just want to be liked without needing to provide sex. I just want to know how I can actually look for people that are okay with that-