I need help. I don’t know if I’m overthinking this or if I’ve been “scammed” or if I’m just being too trusting of people.

I’m solo poly, it’s in my dating profile. Started chatting with a guy, he makes it sound like he’s divorced/separated. Cool beans.

We meet up, all good. I notice that he’s got a wedding ring on. It’s late, I’m tired (just got off shift) so my brain didn’t put it together right away. Next day I call him out on it. Radio silence. Better than lame excuses I guess

Other guy that I’ve been casually talking to, he’s upfront about his wife, we met for dinner and he talked about how they’ve been poly dating for years. We had a date night set up for a few nights from now (his wife had a thing and she was going to be gone) but now he’s canceled because something has changed. Life happens, I get it.

But now I’m thinking, maybe his wife has closed the marriage and he’s still playing around…

How do you guys vet a new person? Ask to talk to the partner? Trust them?

I’m new to the town, so I don’t know many people. I’m just feeling stupid and over trusting right now.