I really hope y’all can share some perspective on how I’m moving through my poly journey so far with primary and secondary partners.

I am moving in with my primary partner after being long distance for a while. We’re exploring polyamory with a hierarchy in place because they are fairly new to polyamory, but have been open to ethical non-monogamy for a while. The intent for being hierarchical is that it will help to establish a stronger base in our own relationship first since we haven’t lived together before and she’s less exposed/familiar with polyamory.

As I’ve been planning to move in with her, I recently met another partner that I am also extremely aligned with and also very open to having them as a more serious connection in my life. They are already very polyamorous and very respectful of my primary relationship, and wants a life with me as well.

My primary partner has requested I keep my partnerships as separate as possible (at least for now) and spend intentional time with her and intentional time with him, but not at the same time right now (whether in person or virtual). I am fully respecting her boundaries and can practice keeping the relationships separate (go into other rooms for calls, take trips to my other partner and not sharing many details or showing pictures of us all cutesy, etc). It’s an adjustment because I started my poly journey being kitchen-table poly 1.5 years ago, but I love her and she’s worth the work and patience.

I’m curious how to share that this second partner is a little more serious than just casual or someone I’m hooking up with because I also want to honor that connection for what it is to me. I don’t want my primary partner to feel threatened or feel insecure (which I can’t always control) because I’m falling in love with someone as I’m moving in with them. I have no plans on leaving her or making my secondary partner my primary partner right now. I want them both to be my life partners.

The most ideal structure for myself (that I will not push onto either of them) is having her as a wife and him as a boyfriend where we can all be cordial, have compersion for each other, and maybe even share more serious life together (living together, kids, etc). I didn’t even know I wanted that life with more than one person, and now I really really do.

I don’t necessarily want to proactively work towards making that a reality, especially if not everyone is on board, I also want to be honest and true to myself with my primary partner about what I potentially want with her and potentially my secondary partner.

I appreciate any loving, compassionate feedback :) I am doing my best to move with love.❤️