I decided to use a burner account for this since I’d like to remain a bit more anonymous:

I’ve (FtM) been polyam for the last 6 years, and after a decent amount of trial and error have found what I would consider I very healthy partnership.

He (M) and I have been together for going on 3 years and have created a very calm and loving environment for our relationship. He is also currently my only partner, meanwhile he has a number of relationships varying in closeness and is also active in the kink community. I consider myself very grateful to have him as my partner.

The last little while, I’ve been having a lot of stress around our intimacy. I’ve noticed what was a fairly frequent and lusty sex life for us (usually when we see each other around one a week), has dipped down to about once per month. There are multiple reasons for this ranging from changes in libido, business, moving out of NRE, but it’s given me a lot of anxiety.

When he and I began dating, I was at the tail end of a 2 year relationship where our physical intimacy had entirely ceased. I was told time and time again that I was desired, but it was clear he no longer had that interest in me. It was an extremely painful time in my life, and I really don’t want to relive it if I can. Because of the timing, I also associate physical changes in myself - weight gain and beginning to transition - to be part of the reason that partner lost interest.

While my current partner has laid an excellent groundwork of trust in our relationship, I find myself feeling panicky and distrustful the last couple days. The last time we had sex, it was disappointing, and I became distressed and anxious. Because we aren’t as frequently intimate, I find myself putting way more pressure on the sex being good, which can end up ruining the experience for everyone. Previously, we have discussed how that anxiety also makes him feel anxious when it comes to being intimate, and it becomes an anxiety ouroboros. We were able to make some useful adjustments, but we’ve hit this new snag. I recently asked if we could work to troubleshoot this anxiety issue together while I work through my personal intimacy issues in therapy, and he enthusiastically and kindly agreed.

I’ve been feeling very isolated with this issue. From what I can tell, it doesn’t seem to be a problem with anyone else he sleeps with, so I can’t help but think there’s something wrong with me. I feel like our emotional connecting and closeness to each other has been growing as of late, so it feels weird to have this anxiety. Not to mention we are still VERY physically affectionate and flirty. I’m not sure if it’s because I only have one intimate partner and so all my eggs are in this basket, vs my metas who all have other relationships. Maybe I’m making a mountain out of a molehill. I guess I was hoping to see if anyone else has been through something similar, and what y’all did to move through it? He’s consistently been an amazing partner and teammate, so this is something I feel is worth working through. I’d just like to be less anxious….

TLDR: My sex life with my only current partner has lessened in frequency since we started dating, and it continues making me anxious. When my partner picks up on this anxiety, he becomes stressed and more nervous about being intimate. Hoping to find advice and others who may have similar experiences ♥️