I created a new account, but likely going to be outed cause my partners are on this subreddit.

I forced my spouse into poly under duress. One of my partners, Birch, also forced their partner, Aspen, to do PUD. Aspen is monogamous.

I (35M) fell in love with Birch (45F) and tried to break up with my current spouse (35F) before knowing poly was even an option. Because, I thought the right thing to do was break up since I couldn't have both, could I?

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...It's been a year since then. I'm still with my spouse, Cocoa, and with two long term partners, Birch and Pine. Cocoa has slowly started to get better with poly and is looking into dating other people on her own now. Birch and I have been together for a year now. Pine and I have been together for 6 months.

Birch has a partner, Aspen (45M), who does not like me. No matter what I do, Aspen is never going to like me. I get physically ill worrying over Aspen, because when I talk to other healthy polycules and Pine, they say "That's not poly. That's contentious concession."

I recently asked Birch if she'd date anyone else if we broke up, and she said no. That the nightmare it took to get to see me wasn't worth doing all over again.

I think I need to break up with Birch. Birch says that other people shouldn't matter when it comes to our relationship. However, I feel sick. I can't explain it other than a lot of what Birch did was against my morals to begin with. I tolerated it because I was and am stupid in love.

I guess I thought with time things would get better? Cocoa's been slowly exploring and getting better with supporting me in my relationships, so I thought that would happen with Aspen? But it never did.

My question to you all is, would you break up with a partner when their metamour consents out of fear of losing their partner? Or do you just ignore your metamour's feelings?

TLDR: Metamour came into poly under duress a year ago and it has me questioning whether I should break up with my partner.