I’ve read a lot of posts here over the past year, and so often the advice boils down to: break up. Having a problem? Break up. Boundaries violated? Break up. Dealing with a bad hinge? Break up. To be fair, the advice is usually framed as: “Make your feelings clear, communicate your needs and desires, and if that doesn’t help, then it’s time to break up.”

And I get it—I really do. A lot of the stories shared here are genuinely awful, and breaking up is often the best or only option. But I’ve noticed that I can almost always predict the advice in the comments, and it’s nearly always: break up. Hell, I’ve given that advice a few times, and I’ve been given that advice before as well.

Has anyone else noticed this? I’m not trying to make a blanket statement, but the advice here does seem to lean heavily toward breaking up quickly if issues aren’t immediately resolved. Of course, in cases of abuse or extreme harm, it’s absolutely justified. But what about when it’s just imperfect, messy humans trying to figure things out? Where does giving a little more grace fit into the equation?

This is a genuine question too, not just a criticism. How do you decide when enough is enough? What’s the line between “stay and try to work it out” and “it’s time to leave”? Maybe it’s different for everyone—one person might leave right away, while another might stay and keep trying. Is there a rule of thumb for these situations?

Another thing I’ve noticed is how often people post about the limited dating pool or how difficult it is to find compatible polyamorous partners. Given that—and considering how challenging polyamory can be—wouldn’t it make sense for the first piece of advice to be: try to work things out? And then maybe try again, and even one more time, as long as everyone involved is acting in good faith? It just feels like there’s a lot of “throw the baby out with the bathwater” advice here.

It’s easy to conclude that a relationship needs to end based on limited info when you’re reading someone’s post, but life is rarely that simple, and people can change and grow. I’m just surprised that the advice here—from poly ppl who have to be understanding of nuance and complexity in relationships—don’t seem to account for this as much as I’d expect.

Please don’t come at me—I’m not advocating for staying in bad relationships. I’m just genuinely curious about where you draw the line, how much grace you give, and why.

Thoughts?