Hello! First time poster here..

I’ve (34F) been seeing my partner/BF(?) (38M) for about a year now. I don’t know what he is, if he’s my BF or what, we’ve never put a label on it lol. But anyways.. he’s married with kids, him and his wife seem to have a very healthy, happy relationship. She knows about me, she has a few other partners as well, yada yada..

We have a good time when we’re together, and he’s even subtly mentioned that he loves me (but I got uncomfortable and made an awkward joke to deflect.. I’m still working on some avoidant attachment issues lol.) I don’t know if I love him or if I’m just comfortable with him. We’ll go on a date here and there, but usually he just comes over, we snuggle, order food, and bang a few times until he has to go home to be there for his kids in the AM.

I’ve caught myself distancing a little bit lately. I was talking to a friend about it and she mentioned that maybe I feel stagnant in the relationship. Being married with kids, I’m never going to move in with them and be some happy poly family or anything, so this is as far as the relationship will ever go. I want what they have. I want a primary partner and a nesting partner; someone I’m going to grow with.

I told him at the beginning that I was going to continue looking for a primary partner, but my luck in the dating department has been shit lately. Honestly, all of my poly experiences outside of this one have been pretty shitty. I’ve been asking myself if I even want to continue the poly route.

I guess what I’m asking is.. is it pretty normal for poly relationships to run their course like this? I’m ready for more, and I know I can’t get that from him, but I do care about him.

Any insight/suggestions are appreciated, as this is a first for me.