I (31f) am having a hard time. I feel like everything I knew about relationships is mostly just co-dependent attachments and enmeshments and while I’m growing so much, i feel like I am being ripped apart. Polyamory doesn’t come naturally for me, I’m not someone who always knew they were polyamorous, but I have been curious about it for a few years and wanted to try it after my last monogamous relationship. I really struggle with lower self esteem, anxious attachment and have many moments of jealousy (I have only been practicing polyam for 1 year). I am in therapy with a therapist who works with polyamorous people, and she is helping so much, I really have grown a lot, but I keep getting so frustrated that I am struggling a lot, while my partners (male and female) are fine.

I guess I was just curious for those who had a bit of a rougher start, if there was a moment when things were ok for you, it clicked and you felt calm in your nervous system? Like everything is going to be ok. (I’m not saying i’m having an absolutely terrible time, I love my partners and I do love to see them happy, I want them to be able to have all the love they can get and experience life to the fullest, I just get triggered when they do, and it makes me annoyed with myself 🙈 like why my brain do that?)