When I did a deep dive into poly, my biggest mistake was thinking having any sort of boundaries were uncool. I was acting like a cool, "non-posessive" partner, where almost everything was allowed.

I found myself going out with this partner, and she was almost always "hunting" for people. People to flirt, people to make out with. I would walk into a bar or party with her, step away, and suddenly see her making out with some other dude. My initial reaction was anger and feeling minimized, but I was sucking it in and acting cool. I was like, "alrighty, I'm going to find someone to make out with myself 😤", which was setting this toxic, competitive vibe.

Initially I thought this was all normal and cool, and that's what poly is right? After asking around and inquiring about the experiences of seasoned poly folks, I had a big realization that the behavior I experienced was extremely toxic. Having no boundaries was just insane.

I have many boundaries now, and I'm always vocal and upfront about them!! 💅🏽