I (39 F) am new to Poly/am poly curious. I have been seeing someone (36 M) for a few months who is poly, it is a little long distance (4 hours) but it works. I'm still figuring out what my limits are and if I'm even cut out for this (fantasy vs reality). He knows where I stand as far as my uncertainties are concerned, I don't want to use him as an experiment or anything like that.

He told me about someone else he has been talking to and has known virtually/online for much longer than me, and who he finally met last week (she lives near me ironically, so it's long distance for him with her as well). While he was spending the weekend with me, he messaged her every once in a while to check in on her throughout, and she'd message him. I found this to be incredibly intrusive.

In addition, he listened to a voice memo she'd sent him in front of me, and I heard her voice and saw what she looked like. (we were cuddling, I looked up when I heard her voice, because I was surprised. He lowered the volume all the way, but I still saw her picture).

Finally on Sunday night we talked about it. I said that if he is spending the weekend with me, he shouldn't be messaging her and she shouldn't be intruding on our time together. I would expect the same if roles were reversed.

I also said I find it icky that he would text her from our bed while we were hanging out and we both happened to be naked.

He agreed I was making good points, but didn't think he could go no contact for more than a day.

But now, I can't stand the thought of her, I can't get her voice out of my head, and can't forget what she looks like. I can't stand now the idea of him even talking to her, never mind hooking up etc.

I know that in poly people still get jealous, but I feel like since I chose to explore this I don't have the right. I knew he'd be seeing other people, he has a fwb benefits closer to home, and that doesn't bother me nearly as much, almost not at all. I just wasn't expecting it to be quite so in my face especially since I am new and figuring stuff out.

Are these feelings normal? Am I being unreasonable, and should I Not be getting jealous over all of this?