I've been doing a bit of thinking about privacy needs and how they work in polyamory!

I know I have a relatively high privacy need. I don't want metas knowing too much about me; knowing that I exist is important, but I start feeling weird about partners sharing too much more than that. I'm okay with a partner mentioning that I knit or that I have a cat in passing, but that's as far as that goes. I don't like pictures being shared, my social media is very private (and mostly unused), and I won't accept friend/follow requests from metas. I'm not even friends with partners on social media. A previous meta tried to find me via my partner's friends list (to know what I look like, apparently), so I feel a bit validated on that front.

I'm also very adamant that my partners share as little about my mental state, health, or any disagreements as possible. I'd feel uncomfortable with stuff like "Partner Pink (me) is having a rough time." "I'm upset about some stuff with Pink," is about as much detail as I'm comfortable with partners sharing.

I'm also very quick to tell partners that things about my metas are none of my business, so my desire for privacy goes both ways.

I've found that many people share my opinion when it comes to discussing relationship struggles, except when someone has certain mental illnesses. Interestingly, I find that people with mental illnesses, me included, have a higher privacy need than most. Metas are biased at the best of times, but sharing something like "Pink is autistic," or "Pink has been having issues with her psychiatrist about her meds," (information that has actually been shared about me) is something that will swing a bias even further. Mentioning something like that once will colour every "Pink and I are having some issues," disclosure afterwards.

Of course, I suppose it's none of my business what my partners talk to my metas about, it's not like I'll ever find out unless something wild happens. I'm also not interested in spending time with any of my partners' friends who have details about my health, which might be more understandable?

Anyway, I'm very interested in hearing what other people's privacy needs are! And whether or not they can point to outside factors or experiences that might have shaped those privacy needs!