This came up awhile ago, but it has been on my mind since. I (F33) have a boyfriend (M42) and husband (M31). A couple months ago at this point my boyfriend went on a date with a new person. I managed some jealousy and insecurity around this particular person, because for some reason I felt especially threatened by her. My boyfriend had just started dating again after a long (year ) period of no new dates, and I think I was struggling to adjust a bit. By the time the date came around (which I knew about in advance), I was experiencing some primal panic. Not a full panic attack but definitely very uncomfortable.

I told my boyfriend about how I was feeling a day or two after the date with the intention of getting some reassurance. My husband feels that I should not have told him and that it probably made him feel guilty and/or unlikely to try again. When we discussed it, my boyfriend seemed sympathetic and not distressed, just supportive.

Should I not have told my boyfriend that I was experiencing some extra anxiety about this date? I feel like I would want to know if a partner of mine was feeling that bad so that I could reassure or help them. But I'm not interested in making my boyfriend feel guilty or anything like that. So what should I have done?