So, just as a disclaimer, total noob at this despite the résumé: gay male, 35, dated hubs for 16 years, married 6, open 5 years, poly for 3.

Something I realized I was missing was other like minded individuals— community. Despite all the reading and cautious self-exploration I wanted to meet other folks in the space.

Erroneously (but still weirdly fun), I went to a sex party with my boyfriend. It was lame, all swingers, 99% straight and no mingling. So bad. I spent most of the night in the corner eating chips.

Then I went to a polyamory meetup. The crowd was mostly straight, white and male. There was an underlying “male power” vibe that rubbed me the wrong way.

Then, because it’s the start of pride month, I went to a queer poly event. I met one cool lesbian professor who I’m gonna get coffee with, but everyone else was so preachy and sure of “their” specific way of doing polyamory. I weirdly felt judged at the event— a bit too soap boxy for me.

Anyone have any experiences like this? Maybe I just need to go to more and find better people to vibe with.