This is my first time posting in this forum and quite honestly, I hope to get honest opinions. I want to present what I’m about to say as objective as possible not so much as to paint either or party in a negative light.

The question: Can a woman be in love with a man and still have sex with other men?

My wife and I have been together for 4 years total and married 2 of them so far. Shes a foreigner and lives and works in another country that’s not her own for the time being. We’re trying to get her to the US.

I’m a bit of a mix of extrovert/introvert and someone who’s been married before with children who are grown now for the most part. Crazy, I know. That marriage lasted <10 years. We divorced and we have an amicable relationship. I even am amicable with her husband. I’m a God fearing man but I would say I have a high sex drive and I’m a faithful man to my wife. I do look at porn but not excessively. I actually prefer the home vids of us (TMI).

I truly love her. I believe in my heart and my soul that she’s the only woman for me. I’ve been with many women before her as well. None have made me feel like she does. I do visit her every 6 months. Sometimes more frequent but that’s the average since we’ve been together. At 2-3 week stays where she’s at. I have been cheated on in every serious relationship I’ve ever been in.

She’s a foreigner, F30s. She’s funny, intelligent, a mixture of introvert and extrovert but more extroverted, strong sense of self, practical, and God fearing. She’s never been married, no kids, and has had very few relationships (according to her, <5 which includes me). Shes only been with <5 total men as well, to include me. She works from home. It is an admin job but very mid - high level of management. She does well for herself.

When we first got together physically it felt that way as if she’d only been with that many men. By that I mean, you can sometimes tell how experienced with sex someone is by what they do and how they move. She was comfortable and wild and our energies matched somewhat but it took some getting used to. We had to learn each other. I taught her how to give blowjobs because I love them and she actually didn’t like giving them because she felt uncomfortable not knowing how to. That changed. She’s very good now for what I want.

Our dynamic is calm and peaceful for the most part. We get passionate in our love making and it’s amazing but our fights, while tame compared to most the fights with other women I’ve been with, are passionate as well but way more respectful towards each other. We’re consistently considerate of each since we do what do from a distance and we’re very honest for the most part. Very honest. Almost to a fault. We have to say what is on our minds no matter what. She’s very good at that for the most part and it’s mostly when we talk about “when are we going to finally be together??”

Ok, I know that was a long winded intro. I apologize but I wanted to give a little context on us.

The problem: It started towards the end of 2021. She was very active in going to this event which was a good one. It was kind of like a theme park where she was. Prior to this event we constantly texted and did zoom calls. It was a healthy amount because we both worked and respected that as well. However, she wasn’t returning my text messages which I was fine with at first. But she went to this event every weekend for the next 6 months. There was that much to see and the lines were very long. She went with friends and family and even by herself sometimes she said. I didn’t like that part because safety. The country she lives in is safe for the most part. But that’s what I started to suspect that she might’ve not been faithful. The delayed text (like 3-6hrs), staying out till close to midnight (when she’s never really done that before), and change in texting patterns in general. The only time it seemed normal was when we did zoom.

When we were just talking before we got engaged she would send me nudes. But I noticed that she would cover up her face which I didn’t think nothing about before. She would use emojis or crop her face out. I also noticed she would touch up with filters and color out certain landmarks so you can’t identify who they are.

Since we’ve been married and that especially when that time started where I think she’d been cheating on me, I don’t get nudes. I look at the nudes and I actually start to suspect that these have been posted online. So I begin this long investigation and while I haven’t found anything of her (at least anything that’s solid and objective) I find myself wondering if she did something like onlyfans but where she’s at. I asked her a few times if she’s cheating on me and she would reply with “it’s not in my blood to cheat…” Which I held onto that. But I have just always gotten this feeling with every woman who’s ever cheated on me that they were. My gut has never been wrong. I told her that and she says, “well it is with me. It’s your past that you can’t get over..” she said she’s never cheated on anyone she’s been with. She’s always been cheated on. Thus ending the relationships with them.

I’ve recently come into some evidence that’s pretty damning but no face. I know I sound crazy but idk what else to do. I love her and I don’t want to believe this is happening. The last time I felt this terrible was with my ex wife. The other women in between was like, “f*** that sucks a lot” and we would break up… There was another exgf who messed me up really bad actually and caused me not to date for years.

I believe she was posting stuff of herself online somewhere, quit when she initially got with me, but went back to it at some point. I believe she’s having sex with multiple men now because every time I visit shes much better with her blowjobs and other skills. And idc what anyone says, if a bigger man has been in there, you know. She’s even stopped moaning and it seems like she’s faking orgasms sometimes. Our sex life prior to me believing she’d cheated was and is actually still amazing. I just think she wants sex. She doesn’t care from who. If that makes sense. She expresses her love but she’s not as affectionate online either. In zoom she is. Idk.

So again, can a wife love her husband and still be with other men sexually?

Please tell me what you think.