My (30m) SO (35f) of 5-6 years cheated on me exactly 49 days ago. We had a very special relationship, hence why I’m even considering R. A series of events led up to her cheating, I wasn’t always the best to her. I was emotionally abusive at many times. I don’t blame myself for her cheating, but I feel I played a big part.

I realize the term “is it worth it” is subjective to each relationship. When I am at my peak state, I am a very positive person, and have an intense feeling of I can overcome anything. When she’s at her peak state, she is a very loving and compassionate person. We both have agreed that, if we are able to repair this love, we will both know 100% by the feeling it gives us.

Right now it’s just so hard. I really want to try and fix this, to at least say we tried one last time. Yet after reading so many posts on Reddit, it seems like the memory of the trauma will never go away. There seems there will always be a piece of my heart that will remember the pain she put me through, but I hope that’s not true. She truly is an amazing person though, and I still trust her to a degree. It just scares the shit out of us to think that 5 more years and I’ll be 35, she’s 40. We still have so much time and could meet other people, but that scares the shit out of us too because our relationship had such amazing times.

She’s finally on board with R. She’s been open to me with her phone, showed me her last communication with AP. It made me feel really good and happy, plus AP was bugging her and she was ignoring him a lot. However, now I realize this is so much more complicated than I expected. How could she do this at all? I’ve have had so much temptation throughout our relationship and could t even think about sex with someone else, even now it’s so hard to fathom. It doesn’t even matter if he has a big dick, fuxked her better, or anything. Just the fact she did it…

But we are all human… I’ve made my mistakes, and I’ve made quite a few. More of my heart definitely wants to try one more time.