Same sex couple here - not that it matters but we also have a child - we have been together/ married for 13 years

So where to start - on April 25 and 26 my husband came home from work as normal and we had what I thought was a typical evening. After our daughter went to bed something which tbh I cannot even remember triggered an argument well it went on for a bit and continued into Friday evening because we both had work and what not. On the Friday night, the 26th the argument flared to where he just screamed out that he was done. He was over it - but again tbh - we had been here before years ago - I just couldn’t deal and our daughter had already gone to bed, it was about 10pm and I just jumped in my vehicle and left. I didn’t have anywhere to go, no family to run to and no friends. So I drove across the street to the grocery store parking lot and just parked. Cried my eyes out, and I was just sitting there evaluating my life. The rain was pouring and I was set on just spending the night in my car. After about 45 min or so I just had this gnawing feeling that I needed to go back to the house. There he was, in bed, with not a a care in the world. We didn’t argue, it was more of a silent fight. The night ended and it was Saturday. Well the morning was just a morning, a literal silent morning, we tried to keep things civil and as if nothing happened for our daughters sake. Later that night he went into the shower and I was sitting on the toilet and his phone was on the on the vanity and I just started to look through it. This wasn’t anything new, he goes through mine and vice versa. But I had this feeling, it was a gut wrenching feeling. So I started going through his photos and they were all the normal selfie, family photos that were always there. And then I went and looked in recently deleted and there was a screenshot of a contact that was named “sexy papi- my soon to be man” I was in shock and I started to question him who this was and he just kept saying it was a joke. The girls at work thought it was a funny thing to say. So I asked - to who? Who is it funny to say it to? Who are you calling your sexy papi? It definitely wasn’t me! Then in him trying to explain the name came out - so I went to the messages for that person and there was one single message. A single line, that was 4 days old. Nothing significant but- where was the rest of the message? I asked him? He said he deleted it because he didn’t want our daughter to see it. I said to see what? He said he didn’t want her in his business! I said what would you be saying to this man that you don’t want our daughter to find out? Somehow or the other - I found myself at a screen that said restore messages. I pushed the link and it restored over 1500 messages. Needless to say he was having an affair with another man at work. When all the sorted details were out in the open- the physical part of the affair had been going on for approx 4-5 weeks. So far as was admitted, there was 4 sessions of making out, lots of touching of genitals, exposing himself and planning the future, a life with him the other man and our 12 year old daughter whom is biologically mine. I called the other man, I called his mother, I called his sister. A few days later the other man’s husband reached out to mine and I was there- I took the phone and the other husband and myself planned a meet with the 4 of us to get everything out in the air. Both the other husband and I wanted to know what happened. There are more details that I could share later but - we are now 23 days after I found out. And there are tons of triggers, tons of flashes and lots of tears. At this point without us mentioning any thing our daughter has figure out my husband has cheated but doesn’t know the extent of the emotional affair or the arraignments that were made between the two. My husband says that he’s sorry. At times is distraught, and says that had he known I loved him as mush I have been hurt he wouldn’t have acted on his feelings. He says that he didn’t believe that I loved him anymore and that is what gave him permission to take part in destroying not only his own home and marriage but another as well. I’m trying to reconcile with him. It’s very hard. I emotionally have no one. I told him that I’m here and I’m trying to cope and put myself together but if he doesn’t fix his issues I’m leaving with my daughter once I put myself together. He said that he would leave if that was what I wanted and I could keep the house and he would continue to pay his obligations in the house but I don’t believe that nor do I want his house - we’ve lived here over 10 years and he was never interested in putting me on the deed so I don’t want it now and I told him as much. As of right now, I’m trying to get myself together, mentally, physically and financially. But I am trying to reconcile with him and move on - as the days go by it’s just a struggle - but no matter which way you cut it there is no winning side. I don’t trust him anymore, don’t believe I ever will and I don’t think I can or would trust anyone else either. So as far as I can tell this is just the misery of life. I feel like a prisoner in my own mind and body. Any comfort and support is more than appreciated. Please I’m not interested in people telling me how to handle my relationship and what to do next - if that’s your motive please go somewhere else. I’m just looking for help in finding clarity and peace. Thank you