I need some love.

It’s been 9 months and my flavour of infidelity was a little different. As well as serial cheating in some the harshest ways possible (couples holiday while I was away for the night at a ceremony) and whole lot of abuse I basically watched the girl I was going to propose to go psychotic with an undiagnosed mental health disorder and turn on me. I’m still recovering. There’s a lot of cPTSD and it has gotten a bit better.

I get that healing isn’t linear but damn am I getting anxious about the fact I’m always anxious and how this has changed me.

It’s like the energy it takes to barely function is draining and I just need a break from it all. I’m getting a bit worried now that enough time has passed I should be doing better. At least experiencing longer periods of happiness or joy. That I’m not doing enough or trying hard enough.

At the same time I just feel so defeated still. Anyone relate? Any advice?