My (39m) wife (32f) have been on a trial separation for a few months (no affairs or anything like that; just me going through stuff that messed the marriage up). Our 11 year anniversary is today and I'm not sure whether it should be counted as just any regular day, or if we should spend time together. We want the marriage to work out (last time it was brought up) and we can usually have light and friendly conversation, but there's always a thin line between relaxed chatting and us ending up pissed at each other. Usually I say something that gets taken the wrong way. I just don't want to do anything to put more stress on either of us, or the marriage.

I've told her that even if things are rocky, our anniversary means a lot to me, and basically asked what she thought about it (through text since she's asleep at the moment). I'm just waiting for her response. In the meantime, if she is interested in spending time together, what would be a "safe" way to go about it? What to do, what not to do...