Me and my gf of 8 months are going through a rough time. We had discussed some things, one of them being that I was not happy with her connection to a guy she had a very intense emotional relationship with. They basically got each other through some serious depressive episodes during the pandemic. More of an online think because they were in different cities.

About a week before i met her she offered him sex when they met for dinner in person and he denied her, which she said made her very angry because she was rejected. I asked her why she maintained this connection after this happened and that I was wondering if she would ever disconnect from this guy because of the level of intensity of emotional connection. It’s a concern for me because sometimes emotional connections can lead to affairs because they are that ‘safe place’ you once had.

She said no because their relationship (or friendship as she calls it) has changed because of my relationship with her and they just exchange pleasantries. It really bothered me that he came back around a few weeks after we got together and wanted a second change with her, but she denied him for obvious reasons. She was open about this from the very beginning.

I’m just super bothered that she won’t ditch this guy, but he kinda treats her like shit and she’s ok with it. I treat her very well, do things to try and make the relationship better and I ask her for this and she denies it. She actually got passive aggressive and said she felt accused of doing something wrong. My response to this was that you’re being dismissive of my requests and if you’re feeling the need to be defensive there is some thing in your mind to be that way.

We basically left it as she didn’t know how to vocalize her feelings and was frustrated. I told her she really needs to think about the real reason she wants to maintain this connection and what is at the root of her feelings.

Honestly I’m very angry and really for all the work I’ve done to help our relationship and yet she won’t give me this one thing.