my (24F) fwb (and kinda partner) (27M) of the last few months has had difficulty getting and staying hard during sex unless the lights were off. I would ask him if it was my body, and he would always say no, it was because of nerves or being tired.

A few nights ago, he was struggling again and started watching porn while I was giving him a bj. It made me feel so undesired and unattractive. He still couldn't do it, and he broke down crying saying it was because of my body. He never found my body attractive. He said he thought I was hot until my clothes came off. He loves my face, tits, and ass but not the rest of my body because i'm plus sized. I even asked him when we started seeing each other if my weight or body would be an issue, and he always insisted he thought I was attractive. Until a few months ago, he used to watch a lot of porn, and says that's why he gets so critical of his and my body when we have sex. I've always hated my body, but this makes me feel so much worse. I feel like I can never trust someone else again if they say they find me attractive.

We talked for a long while, we both cried a lot. The friendship is still important to us. He wanted me to stay the night anyways because he wanted to cuddle. He still wanted the physical intimacy. I stayed and got into bed with him, and after a while he insisted we take our clothes off to be more comfortable. I knew what that would lead to and yet I did it anyways. After a bit, he got hard and asked if we could have sex. I said yes and we ended up having sex twice. I feel disgusting. I have no idea why we did that.

We're meeting up today to talk about us and moving forward. I feel so lost. What do I even do? I don't know what question I have that's less big than that one.