I (F26) kissed my best friend (M27). Well he kissed me…

We were hanging out as we usually do at his parents house. We have been hanging out at his place or mine for years. We have been friends for about 6 years. Anyways, like I said, we were hanging out and laughing and watching tv shows. He loves showing me his favorite shows and movies and i’m very content and happy to watch them with him. Nothing sexual ever takes place between us over the years and we’ve both dated plenty of other people during the time frame of being friends. I’ve had ounces of jealousy pop up when he gets a new girl, but nothing that crazy and he’s shown displays of jealously when I bring up guys or dudes he knows that I think are cute. I thought nothing of either. He jokingly tells me that he’d marry me when we’re older and says things like i’m so attractive/hot that I could be with celebs. Whenever I’m at his parents house he tells me it’s my home forever as well. He buys all my food and drinks on our friend dates and he gives me little “gifts” (books he likes, his clothing items, food/drinks he really enjoys, etc). The list goes on, but those are the things that stand out most to me now looking back. On top of the fact that he asked me to hangout very regularly if we are both in town and has shown signs of disapproval whenever I have brought up potentially moving to another state.

So the night we were hanging was like every other night. laughs and conversations. but only this time we locked eyes. I knew so badly that I wanted to as well. He crawled over me and kissed me. It wasn’t just any kiss though. Not for me. For me it was utterly euphoric. I’ve never even enjoyed kissing much, even dated one guy for 3 years and used to tell him that I hated kissing. So we just opted to not kiss often. No. Not this… This kiss was soul lifting. It felt so loving and real and mutual and fun. It was like nothing i’ve ever felt and i’m even embarrassed to be writing about it on reddit. I can’t help it, I had to get this out. He’s out of town on a work trip and all i’ve thought about is that kiss for 2 weeks. I can’t get it out of my head. I can’t stop thinking about how good it felt to finally do that. we don’t talk that much via text or calls. we mostly have our chats and relationship in person. so i’m totally at a loss for what this all means. If anything. I may just be a delusional freak and he was just being horny (he’s a ladies man for sure).. Maybe I am just a check list item? Or is this deeper? I have no idea.

The only downside to is that i’m extremely confused about what this means for our friendship, our relationship, our bond, our future… I tell him I love him all the time as a friend, but now i’m realizing that it may be more to that statement.