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My (35m) wife (35f) and I are having trouble reconnecting after a recent fight.
The fight was not about a recurring issue. It happened three nights ago at this point, and we are still in a funk. Repair attempts were missed. No physical violence or verbal abuse, but definitely some smartass comments and meanness. We have both since apologized, but have not resumed anything that looks like a romantic partnership.
Here is where I am looking for advice - I would like now to reconnect. She doesn't feel like it. I assert that it will make us both feel better, and be to the benefit of the family as a whole. She says that when I ask her to, say, hug me even when she doesn't feel like it, that I'm asking her not to feel her feelings. I tell her no, honor your feelings, but make a choice to reconnect - hug, smile, kiss, show warmth, etc. She responds, essentially, I'm not convinced it would help, and I don't feel like it.
I've read Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, and can't find anything specifically addressing this issue - the value of pushing through with reconnecting even when you don't feel like it. Can anybody point me towards some resources? She says she is open to it if I can find something to support this idea other than my own assertions.
tl;dr - seeking advice and/or resources on the value of reconnecting even when still feeling bad after a fight
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- 2 years ago
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