I'm going to preface this first and foremost by saying, yes I am well aware this is a messy situation. Like 8 different genres of messy. If that gets you off, then please feel free to have a giggle.

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I (22m), have been engaged to my current partner, Arthur (23m), for about 7 months, with a fair bit of dating prior. He has his husband, Bart (30m), and then his husband has his fiance, Collin (FuckIfIKnow,M). It is a poly relationship, but not in that we all love and hug each other, I am exclusively with my fiance and don't really interact with the other two. (For reasons that will probably become obvious).

Non-romantically, I am married to my best friend, Gus (21n), and live with them, and we get along absolutely divine. Platonic soul mates sorta thing. My fiance is well aware of this.

My fiance and I are currently long distance, but we have plans to move in together mid next year.

Backstory:

Originally, when planning a place to move, I wasn't included in the conversation at all. My fiance was misguided and trying to keep me from being stressed since I was already in a stressful position, so there wasn't the intention to be unkind but... I mean, imagine how you'd feel if you suddenly found out you were moving somewhere and weren't ever given any input.

That obviously being an issue, Arthur and I agreed to actually talk about it and rework things. Nothing was set in stone so no big problems- except that his husband, Bart, was livid about having to change plans because he was already looking at houses, as well as the state they'd planned on was the state that Collin currently lives in. Unfortunately, I fucking hate that state. No offense to the people there, but I don't have any desire to live in the midwest. The idea of living there as someone from the Northwest who values mountains and forestry (I have plans to go back to college to get a degree in forest management)... there's nothing there for me. I made as much clear when the discussion of where to move is brought up.

But Bart is pissed because I'm being an asshole for making him rework the plan, which leads to him having an absolute meltdown at me, and then a second meltdown at me when I stood my ground and told him he was not allowed to treat me like that.

But after a bit, the discussion comes back up and after getting input from ALL parties the idea of moving to the Northwest is agreed upon by everyone, as it meets all of our needs and as many wants as possible. Everything is great!

Except, Bart is suddenly back at it because Collin apparently doesn't want to live anywhere more than a 6 hour drive away from his hometown because he has family there, but Collin won't use the group chat to talk about it and exclusively goes through Bart. Great!

Another argument ensues because literally nobody but Bart and Collin benefit from the midwest, but Arthur is tired of the argument so he's exasperated and agrees to the midwest. Which means all in all, I've been outvoted and we're moving to the midwest. A different state than the first one, but literally right on top of it. My opinions are once again completely brushed off and the best I'm offered is Arthur tells me he's sorry, but Bart has his mind set and there's no changing it.

When asked to give opinions about the house, I still tried to give what I could, stating my desires (i had maybe 3, the top one being no carpet because I hate carpet), and Bart buys a house! That's carpeted.

I'm tired.

And yes, the plan is for everyone in the house to pay for shit equally, not just one person paying for it.

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Arthur wants Bart and I to bond more, but Bart won't even fucking talk to me because he hates the way I talk, and always stops every conversation 3 messages in. Arthur is upset and tells me I need to just reach out and talk to him more. Mind, Bart doesn't reach out to me- end sentence.

Bart doesn't like me, I'm pretty certain he wasn't as ready for his partner to have another partner as he claimed to be, but wanted to be able to date Collin so...

Bart also does not cook, clean, or take care of the animals pretty much from my understanding. He doesn't work either.

I'm also not a huge fan of Bart, I don't like the way he treats Arthur or me.

I love Arthur, so very very much, we've grown a lot together and I would give my left kidney to marry that man, grow old, and tell him every day until we die how much he means to me. I want to live with him!

I don't want to move to a state that I expressed being a hard no for me, with two people who don't respect me in the slightest. Especially since like I said, I live with Gus and it's amazing. And safe.

So I'm really torn on it, because on one hand I want to live with Arthur and be married and happy, but I cannot imagine living in that house for longer than a month before I'd just, off myself personally. But I love Arthur, I don't want to throw everything away over it but. Fuck, I don't want to land in that mess.

Gus is worried about it as well, and we agreed to let the other three move in first and see how that works for a bit before I move in. I'm terrified of actually having to move there.

Feel free to call me dumb for getting myself into this situation, and whatever sordid advice you have can't be any worse than my own stupidity.

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TL;DR

In a poly relationship, love my fiance but his partner can't stand me. Now I have to decide between moving to a place I hate with someone who hates me for the man I love, or losing the one man I've ever seen a real future with.