37M here. I dated a woman (39F) for about 6 months, and decided to end it. I couldn't articulate exactly why, but I didn't feel long-term potential.

After a few weeks, we decided to be friends. There was about a month when we hung out a lot, and I felt really good about the friendship. It seemed like we got along great. Then she came to me and said she was confused and wondered if I did still want to date her. She thought that hanging out a lot and me enjoying her company was a signal that I was still into her. We were never intimate after we stopped dating.

I told her I did not mean to send the wrong signals. The things she was picking up on were not there on my end. I just felt grateful for the friendship. She got upset, and then also brought up how she didn't understand why we broke up to begin with. The talk continued a couple days later, and I felt exhausted. She ultimately said she understood, but told me I handled things poorly and should have had more care with her after we broke up. I told her I cared about her and even though I didn't want a relationship did want a friendship.

A couple weeks go by, she asks to hang out again. I send a message that says I don't think I can be friends. I had been doing some reflecting on how things felt different. I worried that there would be more talking and analyzing and I don't have that in me. I'd like friendship to feel natural and easy, at least the majority of the time. She felt utterly blindsided and terribly hurt. She had really wanted to try to be friends.

I think I handled it terribly, and worry that I made a mistake. I was focused on how I felt somewhat nervous that this would become a friendship of constant scrutiny where we need lots of boundaries and check-ins. That's exhausting to me in a friendship. But we hadn't exactly gotten to that point, and I wonder if I should have instead but a little effort in now before pulling out completely and hurting her so badly.

Thanks for reading. Just typing it out is helpful.

It feels too late to take it back and cultivate a friendship, especially if I'm not certain. Lord knows it does get hard to make new friends in your 30s. Should I reach out and try to fix it? Should I give it some time? Should I leave it?

Any advice welcome.