This is all very fresh, so I’m not going to to into deep detail. Saying he is a sociopath is most likely an exaggeration, but go easy on me.

Yesterday morning I discovered my now ex-boyfriend was cheating on me. Long story short, I caught his location when he woke up in another woman’s apartment after a night out (we have one another’s locations). He tried to lie his way out of it multiple times, but I had screenshot evidence.

But the lying didn’t end there. I messaged one of his female friends I’d met a year prior. I need to put in some background here: I live in a city 3 hours from his. I used to visit very often, but my classes and lab expectations the last four months have been very intense. I wasn’t able to visit as often, but even when I was able to he had some reason I couldn’t.

So I’m messaging this female friend of his. He’s usually very private and doesn’t like me to talk to his friends behind his back. I ask her if she can give me any piece of mind since she was out with him the previous night. I find out that, not only does she have no idea what he did because everyone went home except him, but he has been telling all of his friends and family for months that we aren’t together.

I was shocked, horrified. The last couple months have been rough, but my boyfriend and I literally were planning my move to his city and getting married. Just earlier this week he was telling me how much he loved me and wanted kids with me.

After much drama and confrontation and hearing so many different lies and stories from him, I have unpacked a world of lies from him. He lies to everyone. About everything. Hearing all of this, I ask him if he considers how people feel when he lies to them, to which he responds “I’m so independent and have been on my own for so long, I don’t care or consider how people feel when I lie to them”

Which may be the most honest thing he has ever said to me.

But regardless, I’ve discovered some earth shattering lies. Entire stories he made up, plans he made with me but never planned on actually doing. Things he strategically said to control my behavior. He has always said he is very private, but he actually just tells his family, friends, and romantic partner different lies and doesn’t want them to all find out.

When his friend and I forcibly called him out on his lies, he was crying over the phone, probably because he got caught. The wall of lies fell. He told me that it’s my fault, because he had left “clues” that he was “disconnecting from me,” like talking to me less and treating me poorly, and that I should have realized that he’d broken up with me, since he “did everything to break up with me except tell me he was breaking up with me.” Wow, I must be so stupid, right?

I feel like everything i’ve been living is a lie. I planned on marrying him, on moving my entire life. I was so devoted and in love and now none of it was even real. I’m not really here looking for relationship advice. This is so clearly over. He’s manipulated me, emotionally abused me, lied to me over and over, and cheated on me. I’m here trying to understand how people get through this. How do you ever feel sane again? How do you handle this? I’m absolutely devastated. I don’t feel like my thoughts or my brain is my own, I feel like everything is a lie and that I can’t trust anything. How do you get yourself back?