TLDR: I love my bf, but have been falling out of love with him for the past few months and he will potentially be hindering me from accomplishing one of my personal goals and his lack of drive is making me resent him

So, i have debated writing this post a long time now but I am at a point where I’m stuck and need the opinion of people who don’t know me. I have known my bf almost a decade, we met online and originally started as long distance (10 hour drive between us) that has shortened to a 90 minute drive. We were friends for 5 years, started dating in 2018 and we’ve been together since. The plus to the long distance is our communication skills are great, i consider us to be very good at communicating if something bothers either of us.

I am in medical school at the moment, which is INSANELY expensive, and he has known since before we even started dating (AKA YEARS) that one of my personal goals was to pay off my loans as quickly as possible. We’ve discussed this, and he knew that that would mean he take on a job that pays enough to support both of us so i could use my salary towards loans. Well, when we started dating he was still living at home and worked a food delivery job. Since then he has changed jobs once, and at his current job he doesn’t even make enough to support himself living alone so he lives with a roommate. I have 2 years left of school and before i started i told myself we’d check in at the halfway mark and see where he was financially. We discussed this in early April and he got defensive, tried to spin the situation and say “well you’ll always have some kind of debt” etc to play off the gravity of the situation. My problem is not the debt, it’s the lack of commitment towards our future. The principle of it, you know?

Additionally, as i examine our relationship i find more and more that i don’t like. He has no desire to have a career, at least not that i can see. He says his current job gives him “a purpose” yet it’s not mentally stimulating and he doesn’t really do much all day so he’s constantly blowing up my phone with things across every social media platform, sometimes even calling me on FaceTime which i can’t stand. His hobbies include smoking weed and playing video games. He also has what appears to be severe anxiety/untreated mental illness that surfaces frequently. And to top it off the sex has progressively gotten worse, and he tries to say he’s just getting older…but 30 is not old. He tends to play the victim in these conversations, or ends it with “all i can do is try” which would be fine if he actually tries. Ultimately, i think he’s just too okay staying in his comfort zone.

I’m just taking this really hard because i still love him, he’s my best friend in the whole world, my biggest supporter. He’s been with me through so much, but i know a long history is not a valid enough reason to stay. I’m hurt, and angry, because he was supposed to be the person I spend my life with. I can’t see it getting better, that would take real actual effort that i just don’t see him putting in. We’ve been having these conversations for months with no real improvement. It’s just going to hurt like a bitch because i’ve never broken up with someone i actually still cared about, and i’m also worried about how he will take this. Ughhhh please ease my mind and tell me i’m doing the right thing Reddit :(