I came out of a six year relationship in December 2019. Hopped into another by January 2020 which turned out to be abusive. It ended horribly by January 2021. I admit jumping into another relationship after being with someone for so long was extremely unhealthy. I must add that I lost many friends after my second relationship. I became a different person, I pushed everyone away, doubted any and everyone who I came into contact with. I felt everyone was out to get me or had conspired against me. And I still feel that way. So I’ve basically been “alone” for close to two years. I’m craving companionship/ friendship/ relationship however I know I have a lot of emotional baggage to work through. My self esteem is at an all time low. I work through becoming a better person, then I crush or go into another depressive episode.

I know I need help but I don’t know where to start. It’s affecting me at work and generally with the way I relate with people. Sometimes I want to disappear, my memories erased from everyone I have come into contact with, simply forgotten.

I don’t want to say I am suicidal but I just may be.