About 7 months into my relationship I learned that my girlfriend had cheated on her ex boyfriend. The ex boyfriend didn't find out until about 2 months into her and I dating, at which point he cut her out of his life. She cheated on him about a year before her and I met and she didn't break up with him for a few months after despite saying she had mentally checked out of the relationship by the time she cheated. She slept with the guy a second time after they broke up.

The person she cheated with was her best friend at the time (male) from high school. A friend so close to her she would regularly go over to his house to drink, take him to family dinners, and even invite to parties with her boyfriend even after she cheated. All behaviour she's since admitted was wrong and weird.

She had stopped being friends with this person before her and I met however during our relationship she invited him to 2 parties that I was at because they still had mutual friends. She had also shared numerous stories of the two of them to me since she only thought of him as a friend. She has since admitted she was wrong to do all of this.

She's explained that her relationship with her ex always felt more like a friendship and she had checked out of it mentally at that time. Her dad had also died suddenly a few weeks prior. She said she was drunk and he made a move and she didn't stop it. She's admitted it was wrong and regrets it and also acknowledged none of those excuses make it okay.

I know a lot of that probably sounds really bad to you but I have to stress so much that she is absolutely a good kind person at heart, I would not have stayed if I thought for even one second she was cold, vindictive or uncaring. However I also think she's incredibly niave and stupid to a lot of things in this department, which she agrees.

She's done so much to try and fix her mistakes with me, she hasn't once made me out as the bad guy and completely owned up to her stupidity and mistakes. You really couldn't fault her for trying to change and take responsibility for her actions.

However the problem isn't her, or our relationship. It's me. I genuinely believe her actions can be forgiven and that she can be trusted again. The problem is I don't think I'm strong enough or mature enough to move on from this. I'm a petty guy who dwells on the past, I hate it about myself but it's part of who I am. And I have moved on a lot in the 8 months since I found out but her I am still thinking about it, ruminating on the thoughts.

Our relationship is so perfect, we click on every level, we love each other more than anyone else on the planet, there's genuinely part of me that believes we're soul mates and right now I can't imagine my life without her. And she feels the same way. But I just don't know if I'll ever get over the way I feel and I'm worried it'll hurt us in the long run.

The worst part of all of this is I think even if I broke up with her, I would still think all of the things I'm thinking now but it would be so much worse because I wouldn't have her around to talk to or cuddle or anything.