Recently me [24f] and my partner [22m] have decided to open up our relationship in order to give us both the space to explore our emotions and urges without feeling a sense of guilt or betrayal. We set boundaries and had lots of talks before actually opening things up.

I’ve been doing a lot of shadow work to make sure I don’t have possessive or unreasonably jealous tendencies and am really proud of how far I’ve come but he seems to get off on being dishonest. Once when caught cheating I suggested that we open up bc I also had interests in exploring outside of “us” and he refused… months later he proposed an open relationship after I went on a date with a friend…. Now I think he resents the freedom we both have. I feel like our relationship wasn’t as exciting when he had “permission” to do something he’d already been doing behind my back. When I found out that he still has been withholding and secretly fostering other relationships I was too over it to have much of a reaction.

I’m frustrated and hurt bc I recently found out that him and his ex have been in consistent and intimate conversation and rather than bring it up- per one of the boundaries we set- he said he felt better just “keeping some secrets for himself”

… am I wasting my time? I feel like dishonesty is an aphrodisiac or the rush of having a secret is addictive for him or something