So my (31F) best friend (32F) and I met as roommates in college, we slowly bonded and got comfortable with each other and our relationship has continued mostly without incident.

She has never agreed with my choice of being with my partner. In fact in the beginning she acted very jealous. That all happened about the beginning of COVID, and any time we talked she’d harp about the little issues in my relationship with my partner. In fact she projected her own issues and securities at me.

She was involved in my many trials with my family this last year. Through a lot of change a personal growth (and all the hardship that comes with). Because we each have toxic family members she was a person I relied on when it came to examining my interactions with various family members.

Recently her view has changed so much that she will tell me she “wants to be on my side” but that ultimately I’m in the wrong. She tries to give the others the benefit of the doubt. In a way it’s get like she was dissecting me and trying to analyze for me.

Things became strained this summer when I had an emotional crisis and needed her, the same time she was scheduled to visit. She cancelled on me because her partners friend decided last minute to invite them all camping. It hurt, but we rescheduled. She cancelled the second time stating she had too many people making demands of her and she needed to take care of herself. Would be understandable if it wasn’t 2 days before and after I let her know my landlord was being unreasonable about allowing her service dog in the place.

After this last week of going through many different hurdles of near future changes and the death of a grandparent, she sends me a letter of things “I need to hear.” Things: (1) judgment of me not allowing my sister to gaslight and guilt me to a gender reveal, (2) telling me my decisions continue to change weekly without communicating with her, (3) pointing out past insecurities in my relationship and hopes for the future, (4) telling me I was selfish for choosing when I was ready to confront my family about their disfunction (which she had the date wrong of), (5) thinking I told my parents they were “bad” without any form of abuse from them (which is false bc she doesn’t know all of my trauma I just started working on last year). She ended it hoping we could be friends though she thought it was over once this year already and believed I was pushing”everyone” away.

I took a day to reflect on what she had to say then wrote her a response addressing each issue she brought up. Her response “idk what to do, we remember things differently.”

TL;DR - best friend sent me a letter stating I’d changed, using false “erratic” behaviors as examples. I responded logically and uncombativly, she insists “we remember things differently.”