I (30F) and my boyfriend (27M) have been together for 4.5 years. He and I were in the same high school friend group. About 6 years ago, we started playing D&D with our friends and became closer. I had been in an emotionally/mentally abusive relationship for a few years, he was the one to see through my facade and bring it to the attention of our other friends. I ended up leaving my "relationship" and moving into the same apartment building as he and another friend (they were roommates), I in fact moved right down the hall from them. Shortly afterwards, we started dating.

The problem. I went from rock bottom, to having an amazing person by me. This was also his first relationship. There were light problems in the beginning, but knew we could work on it as grew together and I healed. 4.5 years on, those problems have not been solved.... We have had many talks and he gets emotional each time, self blaming and seeing me as too good for him. Every relationship has a little incompatibilities, and that's ok. But my two big issues that I'm always dissatisfied are....

Sex: We both have very high sex drives. But we've established that he draws a mental connection between orphases and gore, which means the thought of touching me at all "down there" makes him want to throw up. He feels sexually inadequate and guilty. Over the past 2 years, we've been taking baby steps to address it. We're at the stage where he can touch me through my underwear for about 10-20 seconds, as long as he's distracted in some way. I appreciate him so much for trying. But at the same time, I feel sick to my stomach knowing that he's forcing himself. Sex is supposed to be about give and take in a way that both people are enjoying themselves. As it is, our usual routine is.... cuddles, I do oral on him, and then we do the deed for about 1-2 min. I come out dissatisfied each time, and it has gotten to the point where I see sex with him as just a job. Which I feel horrible about. (Toys are also out of the window. He's not into it and it's a big turn off for him)

Sex (What I would like): Ideally, I would want him to not just being willing to touch me without feeling grossed out, I want him to want to. My abusive ex guilted me into doing a lot of things I didn't want, I never want my partner to feel how I did. I love messy kisses, being touched, given/giving oral, experimenting, taking breaks and going again, etc. And I wish these were things we did.

Social Interaction: We are both introverts that greatly enjoy our computers. We also both enjoy each other's company, playing games together, talking, and cuddles. However, our needs for social interaction with the other are at different levels. Where I'm like a 7, he's a 4.

Talking: We will make small talk in the morning as I get ready for school/work (he works from home), he'll text me during the day usually asking when I'll be home or another quick question, I'm always happily greeted when I arrive home and he'll ask how my day was. But he'll never ask details about any of the things I mention. If I don't tell him specifics about things in my life/day, he usually won't ask. He says it's because since I talk so much he just assumes that I'll tell him on my own, or that he just doesn't think to ask. I believe part of it stems from differences in family because that's how his family is, whereas my family is super sharing. From arriving home...we'll point out cute stuff the cats do, talk about what to do for food, say I love you through the day. Obviously conversation can quiet down once you live with the person and see them every day. There's no longer long passing amounts of in-between time. But.....

Activities: We'll sometimes play video games with each other and we have a blast, but his interest quickly fizzles out or jumps to the next thing. His interest in sitting down for movies/series is very low. We have watched The Good Place, Avatar, and Arcane together. But I often have needed to coerce him into a movie or say I want that as a birthday gift. It's not that he doesn't want to spend time with me, but more that he doesn't have interest in the activity. Once the activity is completed, he usually immediately heads to his computer for the rest of the night. I feel like our activity interaction level is like a roller coaster.

Social Interaction (What I would like): As I said, we're both introverts and enjoy our space. So I take that into consideration when I think about this. I want consistency in both our conversation and activity interaction. When I arrive home and we both ask each other how the other's day was, I always inquire further and make small talk, he does not. He loves me, but I want him to inquire more about things and be genuinely interested. I do not want him to force himself or feel obligated just to make me happy, that's not genuine interest.

I love cuddling on the couch and binge watching movies. I love going to coffee shops, the farmer's market, plays, walking at our local state park, etc. These are things that if I want him to join me, I need to initiate every single time and most times I will be turned down. If he does initiate anything outside the house, it's because one of our mutual friends invited him and he wants to invite me along. I wish he enjoyed going out more, initiated, or at least joined me more.

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So. Still with me? lol. I have just recently become a full-time student. Where my days were very rinse and repeat, I now get variety in my life and have met so many wonder new people. It's made me realize how lonely I've been in a home where I live with someone. He a wonderful person, I mean we've been friends for over a decade. We share same hobbies/friends, are each other's rocks, have inside jokes, help each other with chores, and cuddles are supreme. But I know I can't just look at the good stuff. As of mine said "Sometimes it takes time to realize the reality of a situation, especially when it's MOSTLY good." If I'm going to spend my life with him, I need to be ok with some things maaaaaaaybe getting a little better, but never being truly happy with those issues. And I don't know if I'm ok with that.

My Fears: My: If I break up with him, it's broken... I own the house, pay most of the bills (I make more money), we have pets together, and he loves me with all his heart. His current world will crumble. We'll probably be able to remain friends, but it won't be the same. We'll have to figure out our cats. We have 2, they are both attached to each other, one is mega attached to me and the other is more attached to him. He'll have to figure out a new living situation (rooming together would be too painful I feel). I also realize that I'm afraid to be alone. I went straight from living at home, to living with my abusive ex, to living just down the hall from friends and I slept over there nearly every night. I've never truly been alone.

From You Guys: What is your advice? Do you think I have skewed expectations/wants? Personal experiences are highly appreciated.

TL;DR // Long term and live-in boyfriend/friend is wonderful. But sex/amount of social interaction is a problem. Talked many times about it, has not been fixed. He self blames and feels inadequate. My heart is bleeding. Do I stay for all the good? Do I leave for the possibility of finding someone else?