I (25F) love my boyfriend (29M) but I don't feel good in this relationship. We've been together 3 years, lived together for 2. I constantly feel misunderstood, or unheard, or shamed, or unsupported. There was a week where he worked out of town and I had one of the best weeks in a long time. I felt a weight lift from my shoulders. I didn't feel pressure to constantly be doing things, so I actually got stuff done.

He says he loves me so much, and I believe that he does, but a lot of the time his actions don't match up so it feels like he doesn't value me as much as other people in his life.

I've cried more because of him than probably anyone other relationship before. And I've tried to work through this stuff, like explain that it's not acceptable for him to be snarky with me in an argument rather than being straightforward. Etc. Or that I'd like us to come up with some sort of plan to tackle household chores, but everything I come up with is stupid and he thinks we should just do the chores, even though I've explained to him that I don't work that way and I need some kind of structure.

He says he thinks it's stupid that I need to take a moment when I'm upset before I talk about why I'm upset. I do that so I don't say mean shit and make it worse than it needed to be. I've explained this to him, and he totally invalidates it, even tho I know it's a totally valid thing.

And there's so many other things that feel like they're constantly breaking me down. I feel like I keep shrinking myself smaller and smaller to be with him, and I've always thought of myself as someone who is strong and independent so I don't know why I let this happen.

I know that I should break up with him, but it's so hard and I don't know why. I've broken up with people before. I've imagined breaking up with him, and I feel relief. I think maybe it feels harder because I don't have anywhere to go? because I don't have any friends or family in the area, so I'd have to quit my job and move back with my mum a few hours away.

How can I come up with a plan to actually break up and not leave any room for discussion.

Tl;dr I'm certain I should break up with my boyfriend but I dunno how to muster the courage/will power to do it.