i am on mobile- my apologies

i haven’t seen my dad since i was 5. he didn’t want to see me so i stopped asking about him. I’ve learned that when i was younger he used to live down the street (walking distance.. for 10 years) and still didn’t care to see me.

recently when i was at work i got a text from a number i didn’t recognize so i didn’t reply. it kept texting and calling so i listened to a voicemail to find out it was him.

i’m embarrassed to say that i was actually excited and from then wanted to talk to him. he didn’t care for me much during our conversations but i had convinced myself that he wanted to make it right. he told me he came back because his oldest daughter (which is technically me. but he wasn’t talking about me of course) wanted to talk to me.

i’m perplexed because now i feel delusional, embarrassed and ashamed because even after all this time he does not care. i know i can’t have a relationship with him because he still wouldn’t be there for me but i just don’t know what to think anymore. this is a lot to take in.