Hey everyone,

Today, I had enough of teasing from my boyfriend's (M23) father (M60), so I confronted him about it. He'll make politically incorrect jokes, but I know he's truly a nice man and doesn't believe what he says. So, the jokes don't bother me. What does bother me is that he's literally just trying to get under my skin. Even if I pretend not to hear his joke, he'll lose his shit laughing because he thinks I do care about the jokes.

I had a conversation with him, but I ultimately felt unheard. He had this whole long monologue about how I am a really nice person and he's just preparing me for the world by teasing me. He doesn't want people to use me or be able to manipulate me. He knows I just went through a friendship breakup that really affected me because I felt like I was being used. He compared me to one of his daughters who the only similarity I actually have in common is that I am more on the liberal side and into academics. I know for a fact she does get pushed around a lot. He did apologize as well, but it's really hurtful to have someone mistake your kindness for weakness. From life and my own family, I've already learned how to stand up for myself and take some shit from people. I also don't think he understands that social etiquette also calls for you to be on your best behavior around your significant other's family. It doesn't mean I don't have a spine. I digress.

Then, my boyfriend witnessed this conversation and didn't even listen to the whole thing because he was playing video games. He happened to catch one snippet where his father said something nice to me and then gave a blanket statement saying that he had a good point after the conversation was over. It's not what you really want to hear while you are trying to cage your inner rage after having your ego bruised by someone writing off your boundary and suggesting you are an easy target. I gave myself some time to cool down a little before talking with him about why I was also now upset with him. He gave me an attitude and made me feel unreasonable for being upset. I guess playing the defense runs in the family lol. He said he just shouldn't have said anything, and that he only was agreeing with a compliment his dad gave me. This attitude has been a somewhat new thing, and I've made it clear I don't like being talked to like that when trying to solve a problem.

To circle back to needing help with boundaries, I don't know how to best enforce my boundaries right now. As I stated before, I don't think I let people use me or push me around. But, I don't think I always go about enforcing my boundaries in the healthiest way. I want to keep working on it. I've learned that you can't control how other people act even when it comes to boundaries. The only thing you can control is yourself. How do I not be a douche AND not let people think my boundaries are optional? For example, my instinct is to stonewall my partner, but I know that is unhealthy. It's important to me that this issue be addressed and to make sure it is understood that I won't accept attitude when trying to just talk about an issue. As for his dad, I think I'm more equipped to handle that in a healthy way. But, if you all could share some ways you enforce your own boundaries too, that would be super helpful.