Hi guys, this post is about my ex-boyfriend who broke up with me 3 years ago. We didn’t end on bad terms, in fact the breakup blindsided me because he never alluded to anything being wrong and we rarely fought. Ever since the breakup, he has popped in to say hello, see how I’m doing, or reply to an Instagram story once every 3-5 months. He has also wishes me a happy birthday every single year, and because his birthday is a month after mine, I do the same. I have never initiated a conversation with him in 3 years, and I always keep my replies short and impersonal. We did end up hooking up again about 7 months ago, but I ended that swiftly because it was emotionally too much for me to handle and I knew it would only get worse if time went on, since he said he didn’t want a relationship. I even told him we shouldn’t talk for a long while (and he still sent me a really nice birthday message last week).

I’m torn because he’s making it really hard for me, as I’ve already tried setting up boundaries with him. Of course I love getting a birthday message from him, but I was hoping he wouldn’t this year so that we can finally start getting over each other. I’m trying to decide if I should wish him a happy birthday next month or finally break the cycle. I think his consistent popping back into my life really worked in terms of keeping me on a hook from a distance because I clearly still think about him and have feelings for him. I just don’t understand why he’s putting me through this if he doesn’t want a relationship with me.

Would you cut the cycle and ignore his birthday, or is it not a big deal to send a friendly “happy birthday!” to your ex? If you had an amicable breakup with your ex, do you keep in touch? I think that’s the essence of what I’d like to hear about from others. I feel really bad ignoring his birthday since he sends me such nice messages on mine. Thanks!