Okay so I had anger issues basically my whole life and it took the end of my marriage, me (33f) hitting my 30’s and finding the right therapist to finally harness control. It’s SUCKS bc I end up ALWAYS at the loosing end when it comes to my anger getting out of control. So typical scenario- I have been disrespected or experienced some injustice- I’m sure I come back with an edge trying to defend myself or ask for respect and my edge or tone or whatever gets an even more aggressive response then I really fucking loose it and it’s my reaction (raising my voice, slamming doors, a few f you’s or crying in bad circumstances) that is the problem not the initial issue.

So now I’m in a committed relationship (38m) and when faced with scenarios like above I try and remove myself from the situation so that back and fourth doesn’t happen. I guess I’m asking if there is any of you that can relate and/or any suggestions on other ways to manage this. Right now I left the house all pissed off went for a drive and I’m now parked in my car in a parking space writing to y’all lol.

I cannot STAND being mistreated when it’s unwarranted. I refuse to play into that dynamic yet somehow I keep finding myself in it. I know me taking a drive is way more healthy than staying and engaging in an aggressive dynamic but I’d like to learn other options. Because now I’ll drive back and I’ll be faced with his same attitude and my triggers will all be right there again. So this drive thing isn’t foul proof. There’s been times where I leave for awhile, return and my anger gives in all over again and I end up engaging in the fight I wanted to avoid to begin with.

I’ve really worked hard on myself for years. It’s so depressing knowing that combined with a failed marriage and an unhealthy relationship leading to a stalking situation still isn’t enough for me to completely rise above this bullshit. I’m 33. I hoped to be starting a family by now. I’m devastated that this petty shit still interferes with my life and my goals