First time posting here so awkward and and scared to pop my cherry here but here it goes.

My gf and met at work. I have been going out with her for three years. Secretly. As in no one knows, not even her parents, none of her closest friends or colleagues, and obviously none of mine. The reason being that her family and her are extremely religious. The kicker is that her and I have been very intimate at this point so there’s possibly no way she could open up to anyone about it without being shunned and ostracized for the things she has done. Certainly not with me, an agnostic, unfaithful boy who doesn’t attend church and probably won’t ever (I do not have the power or god and anime on my side. Probably more of the latter though).

Now, she is someone special to me. As in, I do see myself having a life with her and it’s certainly the first time I’ve felt this way (three failed relationships in so far). She gets me and I get her. She was the only who who was patient enough to see me through my infidelity and recommended therapy for it and it changed me to my core. I’ve never thought about being more faithful to the person that I’m with than with her. She’s seen through my ugliness and still chose me and I’m forever thankful for that.

With religion being the keyword that’s been haunting the both of us, we seem to never come to a consensus as to how we could move on. I’ve gone to therapy over it and we tried planning an ultimatum for my gf so she could make up her mind about if we could go public, but that was back in May. We’ve both been unable to separate because of our love for each other and the fear of being separate and have our feelings linger for each other, only just to viciously come back together again.

Should I keep on helplessly go forward on this path of secrecy, hoping for someday that she would accept me for who I am, but incur the wrath of her friends and family, potentially having a very strained and lonely relationship around us, or try to cut it off and move on. At this point, we always have to look behind our shoulders to even go out anywhere, turn off our locations to make sure her family doesn’t find us, lie to our friends about what we were doing over the weekend and unable to travel together for the holiday breaks. I’m sad and distraught at the thought of that, but being with her has become my only happiness as of lately.

Am I hopeless, or helpless for this relationship?

Sincerely yours, Indecisive and irreligious