I’m emotionally exhausted, so I did talk-to-text; please forgive typos.

Pre-context: My best friend of 6 years is in a 3 year relationship with another guy and they sometimes will have three ways and stuff. My boyfriend and I’ve been together for a few months and we’ve all hung out together as a group. As my boyfriend I’ve get to know each other and talk about our sexual boundaries, we have talked about someday having a three-way either with another woman or man. My best friend has expressed attraction to my boyfriend and one time when we were all hanging out (my bf, bestie, and his bf) my best friend asked if we could all kiss each other, but my bf wasn’t down.

Fast forward to last night: Last night we pregamed all together before going out for Halloween. I was taking photos and I made a comment about how attractive we all are and how someday we should all have sex together. No one really said anything but it was just part of the atmosphere. Looking back- did this give them ideas? Was this consent in some way? Idk. I’ve been juggling with this guilt that I brought this on myself. But moving on-

Then while at the venue my boyfriend & my best friend went to the bathroom at the same time and I noticed they were gone for a while. When they came back they told me that they kissed. It was my boyfriend‘s first experience with a guy. I was pretty shocked because even though we had talked about doing something at some point with each other I feel like they went behind my back and intentionally experimented without me there. It hurt.

We all went back to my place and talked about it. I told him I didn’t appreciate the fact they went and kissed and then told me about it after the fact because it felt like they weren’t considering my feelings.

And my best friend said that him and his boyfriend will do things with other people and then tell each other about it and that’s just how they work and I guess my best friend just assumed that’s how my boyfriend and I worked too. They also said They thought it would be OK since I made that comment that we should all hook up one day.

My best friend took all the credit I guess for “seducing” my boyfriend. But at the same time my boyfriend said yes to it. I told them that that was really hurtful and they’ve apologized but I’ve been dealing with anxiety since then.

My best friend Said that he felt my boyfriend is repressed with bi sexual feelings- but at the same time I feel like that’s not for him to try and explore w him without my knowledge & without my consent and then coming to tell me about it after the fact.

After talking about it this morning when we sobered up, I was pretty pissed w my friend because I have a little security system in my house and I saw my boyfriend and my best friend talking and hugging and holding hands and having a convo while I was crying in my bathroom after just talking with them both.

Then when I talked on the phone with my boyfriend today after I felt a little bit better try to come to peace with it. He said that he messaged my best friend and they had a conversation about their conversation that I had seen on my camera. I sent them screenshots of what was on the camera. I couldn’t hear everything they said because we are also playing music.

It bothers me that they had a moment at the venue, then had another moment that I saw on my camera.
Then- I talked on the phone w my boyfriend and he told me he messaged my best friend on Instagram to have my best friend tell me what we talked about. Like why??

it’s almost as if they’re trying to have the same story- or am I being paranoid? I don’t know if it’s just anxiety or what is going on but just insight is please appreciated in this whole ordeal-

And I apologized to them for being unclear that even though I was making jokes about hooking up, I wasn’t giving an invitation or even giving consent about things taking place right then & now.

I just don’t get it. Help me please, Reddit!