I feel like I just wanted to post and ask this because I am really unsure about things that have happened to me and dont know who to talk to.

I am 23 and male and have been very confused about my sexuality for a long time and recently realised that I am straight but have done things with men in my past in order to make myself dislike myself. Almost to give fuel to the fire of tbings I can be angry at me about. As far as I understand consent I chose to do all those things, and whilst i regret it all, that doesn't change I consented.

However there are several situations in which I was with someone and wanted to leave but was worried they would be annoyed at me leaving, and in one case was just too drunk to say anything about stopping. So I just kind of stayed and let it happen. I don't know how to feel about it because I have the same feelings of regret but also feel taken advantage of and disgusted with myself.