I recently started a new job at a restaurant and I really like it. One of the coworkers I really like, we'll call him Reuben. I'm a cook, he's a floater (he works FOH and BOH), we work very different shifts. I began to notice that I was attracted to him a couple weeks ago (attraction tends to come to me slowly) but I wrote it off and was successfully able to not act on impulse. However, I was still interested in friendship and asked for his phone number. When I texted him and he opened with "hey beautiful," I knew I was in trouble. Not only do I prefer subtlety, but I think it's best to tread more carefully than that with coworkers. I knew it was unwise, but I agreed to go hiking with him last Tuesday. It was nice actually getting to know him and I was finding myself more and more attracted to him. But I still felt in control, which is unlike me. I tend to be very impulsive, which has made a lot of areas of life very difficult. When we got back in the car and were headed back, he let on that he's "into me." I was a smartass in my response, saying "really?! I couldn't tell!" and he asked how I felt. I told him I was unsure. I knew it would be a bad idea to outright tell him that I'm attracted to him but I couldn't bring myself to tell him that I wasn't interested in him. I kept it relatively vague. We went back to his house and got stoned (a bad idea bc weed makes me anxious and I started to get anxious about how I was going to handle the situation). Upon leaving, he suggested we drink together this Saturday night after he gets off work. At his house. I said maybe. By now, I've pretty much committed because, well, I really want to. When I later asked him if he'd be disappointed if he put time and effort into spending time with me and I didn't "put out." He was a bit offended but I needed the reassurance due to a lot of bad past experiences. He did reassure me, though, that he would be alright with just being friends. To be clear, he is interested in a more casual arrangement. As far as I can tell, he isn't attempting to pursue a relationship with me (which is good, because he's not boyfriend material).

I know very well that sleeping with coworkers is a bad idea, especially when I really like my job! But I'm somewhat (un)fortunate enough that I haven't had the opportunity to learn this the hard way because I've done it multiple times before and they all turned out really well! I'm still really good friends with two of them. I know that there is potential for this to go bad but I can't seem to stop myself. I'm very attracted to him and I'm finding that I can think about little else.And to make matters worse, there are no secrets at this restaurant. His roommate (who is also our coworker) already knows (which would be fine, I'm comfortable with him, except I fear he may have a big mouth) and the coworker whom I'm closest with could tell there was something going on and I cracked and told him. I've heard a lot of gossip about other coworkers, as well. I don't know how to rationalize that this is a horrible idea. Please refrain from commenting what I already know; please only reply with helpful guidance.

Boring stuff that isn't as important;I'm also very nervous because I struggle with no strings attached arrangements. I used to be a self-proclaimed "hoe" but I didn't really "hook up." I had multiple connections that were very meaningful and special but there was no expectation of commitment or romantic love. If I do go through with this, which I'm horribly afraid I will Saturday night, I don't know how to explain that I'm too soft for NSA. I'm too soft for "just fucking." I don't want anyone to fall in love with me at this point in my life, but I still want a special connection. And that's very difficult to explain to other people. I want cuddling, kissing, hanging out and lots of great sex but most people seem to be afraid that these things require romantic love. I'm really stuck. I know this post is unconventional and boring, just the ravings of a young, horny, impulsive woman. But this sort of attraction doesn't come around often. I wish I had better self control.

TL;DR: my coworker basically propositioned me for sex and I REALLY want to say yes but fucking coworkers is bad and I want a connection but not a relationship which is a weird gray area that's difficult for others to understand.