I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about 1 year. We’ve lived together for about 8 months. My girlfriend is a wonderful person. She’s smart, beautiful and kind. That being said, we have had a lot of problems lately and many of them relate to me being an ABDL. ABDL = adult baby/diaper lover. About 2-4X a week I like to wear diapers, sometimes regress and usually wet them.

I told her about this side of me about 2-3 months into dating. I was seeing a therapist at the time and I had opened up to them for the first time I’ve ever told anyone in person (I’m 27). I carry so much shame and guilt around because of abdl it was eating me up inside. I had been seeing this therapist for anxiety and depression but I finally decided if I didn’t talk about this there’s no point in continuing to come to sessions. When I told them it was the most emotional session I’ve ever had. It took me 40 minutes just to even get it out and even then I had to write it down first. I broke down sobbing and cried my entire drive home.

After some work on myself, and even writing a letter to myself accepting this side of me at the recommendation of my therapist, I finally decided that I should tell my girlfriend. I thought if anyone can understand it’s her.

So once again I laid it out there. Unfortunately still dealing with my depression and shame around it, I ended up basically crying the whole time I was explaining it. The amazing thing was that she accepted me, and she didn’t say I was a freak or disgusting or any of the bad things I think to myself sometimes.

Fast forward a little bit and we even tried incorporating it a little into our sex life. Sometimes she would put a diaper on me or ask if I wanted to wear one and then put one on me.

Over time I began to get more and more comfortable wearing around her, and even having “little time” with her.

Fast forward several months and we started to have some problems in our relationship. She felt unsatisfied with how much I was helping around the house and had a bunch of other issues I can go into if needed. I really stepped my game up helping out at home, but she’d continue to express concerns about how I need to take charge a little more and be more of an adult (I am a working professional in a very high stress job working 80 hours a week, as is she). Our sex life has been not so good lately with our busy schedules and lots of fighting going on.

Finally, last week she decided to tell me that she can’t take the diapers anymore. She said she doesn’t understand it, and furthermore she finds it gross. She said that she thinks it is not a healthy coping mechanism and she can’t imagine me continuing to use them for the rest of my life. She said that she needs me to be more of an adult, more masculine, more manly and that the diapers are affecting the way she sees me. I told her I was very hurt that she called it gross, but that I can’t entirely stop using them. They make me feel safe, at peace, and relaxed and I don’t think it is fair to ask me to give them up entirely. I said if it would make her feel better I can decrease the frequency or only use them when she’s not around.

She said that she doesn’t want me to sneak around behind her back like that. I tried to explain that this isn’t something I can just stop doing. I’ve tried before and I always come back to it. She told me that it is a choice how I use my time and what I do, and I can choose not to use them. Then she told me she felt hurt that I would choose diapers over her. I tried to explain that it’s not an either/or for me and I thought I could have both, but she disagreed. She felt like my ABDL interests and her regular interests were blurring together. She keeps bringing up how she wants to have kids and family soon and that she hopes my interest in it will change by then. She says that she tried to get into it and she just can’t understand it. To give her credit she has definitely tried and I’ve always been incredibly grateful and thankful when she indulges with me.

I just don’t see how I can give it up even if I wanted to, and I was hurt that she said it’s gross. I’m not sure where to go from here, any advice at all would be greatly appreciate.

If you want to judge me and call it weird, fine, but I’m not sure you can beat me up worse than I’ve beat myself up about it. I’m well aware it is not normal and I’ve tried to rid myself of this fetish before.

TL/DR: Girlfriend of one year tried to get into ABDL stuff with me. Now she told me it’s gross and she doesn’t want me to do it anymore. I don’t think I can quit. Not sure where to go from here.