I caretake for my disabled (lifelong) husband , lost every full time job I’ve ever had because of the complications around him being hospitalized all the time. Jobs don’t want me cause I’m not reliable but not because of me! I love him but lately all I can see and hear is how little he really thinks of me . I had my $10,000 dollar cello that I played classically for 15 years at the time I studying pre college and graduate at Indiana University Jacobs School of music. I also am a classically trained pianist and singer. My life use to be about my music . Then I met a man that changed my life and I changed his. He’s disabled and I became his immediate caregiver and we was instantly infatuated why I really don’t know he’s the complete ppposite of me . He is aspiring “DJ” for the past five years and he does have a natural rhythm And talent in how he spins . I can respect that but here is where I start getting hurt . I found a $300 cello on marketplace last night and he just completely blew it off when I showed him then this morning He shows me this DJ board that he Wants its $1,000 ! I just lightly said and yea. I can get a cello for $300 ) He just blurts out “I can’t even get you to work a full time job! ( which is because of his needs and our child’s who’s not in school yet)What could you possibly do with a cello to provide? “( Oh , IDK, playing weddings for $500 for 3 hours of work , Private Lessons, Teaching in a school music program, street Performing!!! The list goes on and on!) needless to say I am heart broken and super upset . He’s never taken a lesson or spent a single dime towards being a musician and I spent my childhood and thousands upon thousands of dollars was paid by my family. I’m not saying you can’t be a musician unless you spend years and money but I am talented and it’s been my lifelong dream and I have the talent to back it up which he himself brags about to his friends and has told me!

He just basically told me it was a waste of time and his desires were more important! I’m sorry but it doesn’t take a ton of talent to sync up music and push some buttons , As a DJ to me you are an entertainer not so much a musician,,,, no that’s not right .... I’m not hating on DJS or EDM it’s MY SCENE and I go to a lot of shows but what I’ve worked towards my entire childhood and youth is something completely different!

I’m tired of never being good enough.

I didn’t get a single Christmas present (which is usually fine cause I’m a giver and that’s rewarding enough for me, but when I see him spend money on stupid stuff for himself when he COULD have gotten me SOMETHING to put under the tree but no that didn’t happen and it’s the third year in a row that I made sure EVERYONE including our roommates had a gift for Christmas morning and not a single thank you or anything .

Is this how life is going to be forever with him cause of it is then Idk what To do next . I’ve sacrificed several things in times when we were going without to make sure food was on the table . I don’t ask for MONEY ever! But when he gets his monthly He will go blow it every single Month of bullshit usually or stupid Xbox games. Being frugal means NOTHING to him yet I dumpster dive for most of my shit and so live in a college town and have found some insane stuff I would never pay full price for but it’s more because I don’t have much of an option in any other way.

Idk what to do or say and Idk if I’m really being an asshole or I am really correct feeling these feelings!