This is something that has always been the biggest issue in my life to get over. I can’t stop having nightmares about mine and my dads relationship.

My dad and mom divorced when I was 3. He remarried when I was 6 to a woman who already had a daughter (3) from a previous marriage. I noticed at a young age that I started getting left out more and more. They would go on vacations and invite me, but as I got around the age of 12 I noticed the invites stopped. I’ve never felt liked around my stepmom either. I’ve always felt like I was being talked about by her and her daughter. My dad and his new wife have a child together now and they go to every one of his games. They’d go to everyone of my stepsisters games. But never showed to mine. Or it was too much of an inconvenience.

I’m 24 now. He’s never gone to visit me in college. He never calls me. I could be dead and he wouldn’t know. He doesn’t know anything about me. But he’s blasted on my stepmom and stepsisters facebook as “the best dad around” because he “stepped up” to be a father that my stepsister doesn’t have. Meanwhile, he’s left me. His biological daughter alone. Could care less about me.

I’ve had many talks with him. I’ve told him that we never speak. So his response was, “Well you never call me either.” So I tried. I’d call or text him and say “Good morning, hope everything is good! Love for you to come see me in college.” And he’d just say “You too”. So I tried that and that wasn’t the issue. I’ve cried to him and just said “I want my dad to be apart of my wedding, my kids life, MY LIFE, and it’s killing me not having you.” And he couldn’t stop laughing uncomfortably at me for crying. Like having emotions about this situation was silly.

I then sent him a long text recently that basically said “I understand if you don’t want me in your life. You’ve made it very clear. But I just want you to know that I will always love you regardless of our relationship. I don’t want to live with the guilt of never telling you that I love you because of our broken relationship. I would love for us to have a great relationship but I know I have tried my best on my part and I will absolutely never feel guilty for that. I’ve tried seeing you and you always make excuses or reasons why you can’t. So I’m just letting you know that I love you and I’m done trying. The rest is in your hands if you’d like a relationship with me.”

He never responded. I then txted and said “Did you get my text?” A few days later and he responded with “Yes, been busy with (his wife’s daughter) having surgery. Haven’t been able to respond. I think we need to sit down and talk” and I said okay well that’s up to you. You give me a day and I’ll be there. Haven’t heard from him since. That was 4 months ago.

I’m just so hurt. I don’t know where to go from here. How do you move on from something like this? He literally lives right down the road from me and can never see me or check on me. The only time I see him is holidays (which is awkward because his wife tells everyone I’m never around because I CHOOSE TO STAY AWAY, which is a lie) and I just feel so hated and I don’t know what I did wrong. My mom gets upset about the situation because she knows how much this hurts me. My boyfriend and I have issues sometimes because of my abandonment issues and trust issues. I can’t stop having dreams about cussing him out and telling him how awful of a father he is. I just don’t know what to do. I’m so depressed and I can’t even talk about this to anyone without crying.

Please help me.

UPDATE: ✨ I am now 26. This post is 2 years old. I got married and I invited just my dad to the wedding. I was walked down the aisle by my stepdad and danced with my stepdad. My dad wouldn’t help with the wedding at all, doesn’t even know my husband really, and I felt like my stepdad has been so involved in my life, much more than my dad could dream of doing. Him missing out on those special moments wasn’t a wake up call either.. and I have never felt happier. It wasn’t me. It’s his inability to put forth effort and let go of his own insecurities that he projects onto me. I have never felt so much better about the situation. I know God has a plan for me and I have realized that not everyone has to love you or want you in their life for you to be complete. It does get better. I loved looking back at this post because of the growth I’ve made within myself and the acceptance that I’ve found through self love. ♥️