My boyfriend and I started talking in November of last year. We talked during that time over Grindr and the first thing that attracted to me was that he was so nice and wanted to know stuff about me. We eventually became exclusive in December after a few weeks of meeting each other and talking. In our first month of being together I got tested and contracted Chlamydia (throat). I asked him about it and he denied giving it to me but he also had it when he got tested (anus & penis). We both got tested a few weeks later and he was cleared however I had contracted it again but this time in my butt. So I was a bit annoyed, he made me feel like I cheated jokingly. A few months go by and he decides to go out with friends to a gay club, he sends me videos of him there and I’m fine with him being there as I trust him. The next day I ask him how his night was and he says it was great and I casually check his friends Instagram story of the night to find that he’s making out with a random guy in the background. He says it was a peck but it was over 10 seconds long. I didn’t know the lead up to it so that’s what frustrates me more. Eventually I forgive him but I tell him sternly how I feel about us being monogamous and how this stuff really hurts, he agrees but still makes me feel guilty for considering breaking up with him. Basically giving me an ultimatum that what I do is irreversible and that I can choose him or be single and alone. A few more months go by and he says he’s going on a trip to Chile and Atlanta to see friends (he didn’t invite me). In Chile he goes to a gay club, I ask him if he did anything over there and he admits to having a quick kiss with a guy at the club. He was on mdma at the time and I don’t know further details to what led up to the kiss. He then travels to Atlanta to meet this friend (this friend he’s known for about 9 months through mutual friends but he’s only met him three times). His friend is gay too, during his time in Atlanta they hire an Airbnb for pride weekend and they decide to go out. He matches his best friends outfit and wears only a jockstrap and a harness, he takes pics for Instagram story and I felt absolutely horrified. I was so sad he would wear something so revealing as if he wants the attention of other men. I asked him about it and he got defensive about saying I can’t control what he wears. We had a massive fight over it and eventually he apologised saying he cares and that he will put some shorts over the top. The next night they go out again and this time they’re wearing matching baseball outfits, a little less revealing but still hurts to see him try and be sexy for who???? The night ends and I ask him what he’s doing and apparently he’s done mdma again and brushing his teeth, he then sends me a video of him getting held by his friend as he brushes his teeth and his friend is kissing his shoulder. I went mad at him again and we had another argument. The next day I ask him what is the sleeping arrangement and he says he’s sleeping in the same bed as his friend but justifies it saying they’re friends and he wears clothes to bed. Over the next few weeks he hardly talks to me, doesn’t send me photos except if I ask, skips over messages where I say I miss him (he doesn’t reciprocate) and I have to initiate the conversation. I’m still nice to him but it just feels off. When he’s at his friends house in Atlanta and not the Airbnb I ask him how he’s sleeping there and he says on the couch and not in his friends bed. A few days later I see an Instagram story of him on a bed, with only underwear on and a shirt. Who’s bed is he on? His friends? I thought he was sleeping on the couch!? I feel like I’m honestly going crazy over this guy because he does something so wrong and then excuses himself for it because it’s his life and he can do what he wants (he contradicts himself) but he doesn’t care about his own boyfriend??? .

He’s a lovely guy when we do spend time together so I’m very hurt by this whole situation. I feel cheated on. He’s coming back in the next day or two and I really don’t know what my first step should be? I really love him :(

Another thing he does which irritates me is that he posts a lot of sexualised images of himself on Instagram and his stories. I don’t understand the point of it other than to get attention from other guys. He says he does it to feel good about his body...but I think it’s attention seeking? What’s your opinion? Is that ok?

Sorry for the rant...I needed to get it all out