So in the title lol it basically sends the message but I’ll put in the story, so I’ve known this girl since middle school but we were you know just friends how kids were, then in high school that changed I really liked her but I never asked her out because well for one I was a bitch back in the day and also I was dealing with a lot of personal stuff and I was really poor and I didn’t want her to see that. Anyway I changed highschools and I never saw her again (this was in the middle of 9th grade) now outta nowhere like 1ish maybe 2 now I saw her on ig and we started talking and then we started to hangout ( now I should say at this time she had this bum ass bf so in my mind I respect his dumbass and I told myself ima just be friends with her) (I should also say at that time I really felt like I didn’t have feelings for her) so time goes on we become friends and stuff and outta nowhere she decides to move to a different state with her bum ass bf so I kinda laugh and tell her like be careful but in the same time I always wanted to leave Texas too so I couldn’t help but encourage someone to get out of there comfort zone. So while she’s gone I don’t think about her at all I’m just living my life, then she comes to visit so I pick her up and you know we hangout she visits everybody etc and she leaves. I’m still cool (I should say I always felt in the back of my mind I always knew just cuz I’ve never well felt so comfortable with a person like this ever) I still live my life without her in my head. But then one day outta nowhere she texts me how she’s sad and all dat and that her bf left her. So I kinda said I told you so lol cuz I did tell her lol, but anyway I’m like awww sucks sorry ( in my head I’m like hahahaha like dyin lmao) but anyway she comes back again to visit after a while this time was different tho when I picked her up from the airport and from us hanging out and all that normal stuff we do together, and I was cool no lie but when she left my heart broke I couldn’t get her out of my head.... so 2 weeks go by ( I should also say that I “been” with girls I just never get attached to no one Idk why I just don’t ) so I decided to call her and tell her how I feel lmao yo I bitched out I haven’t acted like a botch like this since 9th grade so I was like nah I gotta tell her... but I called her twice each on a different day she was busy, so I decided fucc it I’ll text her honestly so I did... she didn’t respond to me for like hours but she did and my heart broke even more but it wasn’t more of that she didn’t like me more of that it was bad timing than anything, since she just moved to a whole another state 16 hrs from me and she just broke up with her bf and all dat. So it was completely understandable what got me was that she’s like if she was gonna be in a relationship it would be polly (now I didn’t know what it was lmao so I googled it and it’s like a open relationship) and I ain’t even gon lie if anyone else said that I’d be like hyped like ok lmao but I couldn’t be in that with her I just like her too much but whatever. So ever since then I noticed that we stopped talking as much as we did which we didn’t talk that much anyway since she live kinda far. So I try to move on you know like I always do I’ve been rejected before I can handle it. But idk why it’s been couple of months now and for the life of me I just can’t get her out of my head. She’s on my thoughts all day like fuck ion know why and I can’t even talk to her like that I feel like it’s just awkward between us even tho !!! She said and I fucking quote “ we are adults it’s not awkward at all” so me the amazing dude I am said bet but of course somehow she makes it awkward by avoiding simple texts like stupid shit, like I sent her a music video of my friend that made a song with wiz and like just weird Mayne if y’all could just see/feel the vibe I felt smh. But everytime she pops in my mind I can’t get this feeling in my gut away everytime I just spark up and get high to numb the feeling so I can get on or end my day. I don’t want help to get her, I said what I said and she said what she said it’s fine I just want to get over her so every girl I’m with she doesn’t pop on my mind every god damn time. I might be in love I’m most likely not ( I don’t believe in love ). I just want to know any way besides drugs and alcohol to get her out of my mind it’s pissing me off that’s she’s living in my head when she most likely hasn’t even thought about me. If anything I guess I’ll just stay high 🤷🏽‍♂️